I used to believe timeouts were the “gentler” alternative to spanking or harsh punishment. I really did.
I thought I was doing something good—something helpful. I thought if I sent my child to sit alone and “think about what they’d done,” they’d come back calmer, more reflective, and more respectful.
But what I didn’t realize at the time was that I wasn’t teaching emotional maturity—I was teaching emotional suppression.
And it wasn’t until I dove into the science of child development, attachment, and the nervous system that I saw just how misaligned timeouts were with the kind of parent I wanted to be.
Here are 5 difficult truths that changed everything for me:
1. Timeouts don’t teach self-regulation.
They teach children to sit alone with big emotions, not to understand and work through them. Self-regulation isn’t built in isolation—it’s built in connection. Children need our calm nervous system to learn how to calm their own.
2. Disconnection doesn’t lead to better behavior.
Behavior is communication. When my child acted out, it wasn’t because they knew better and chose not to—it was because they didn’t have the skills yet. Sending them away didn’t help them understand what to do next time. It only left them feeling confused, ashamed, and alone.
3. Timeouts trigger a stress response, not reflection.
I used to picture my child sitting in the corner, thinking about how to make a better choice next time. But the truth is, most children in timeouts are overwhelmed. Their nervous system is dysregulated, and what they need most in that moment is co-regulation—not solitude.
4. Forced separation feels like rejection.
Even when I used the calmest voice… even when I told them “you can come out when you’re ready”… the message that landed was: you’re not welcome near me when you’re struggling. That’s not the kind of love I wanted to communicate.
5. There’s a better way.
Children don’t need punishment to learn. They need guidance. They need attunement. They need a safe space to feel their feelings, understand their needs, and learn new ways to respond to life’s challenges.
That’s why I created the Calm Down Corner Kits—because our children can learn to regulate their emotions, make respectful choices, and become emotionally mature adults. But they don’t learn by being sent away. They learn by being seen, supported, and guided.
My Calm Down Corner Kits give families the tools to do exactly that. They include everything you need to teach your child how to:
- Name and understand their emotions
- Identify the need underneath the behavior
- Choose calming strategies that regulate their nervous system
- Practice healthy behaviors and problem-solving
- And grow into the kind of person you know they’re capable of becoming
It’s not permissive. It’s not punitive. It’s transformative.
Because our kids don’t need timeouts.
They need time-in. With us.
Ready to ditch the discipline methods that don’t align with your values?
Explore the Calm Down Corner Kits HERE!
Let’s raise a generation that doesn’t have to recover from childhood. Let’s raise them with connection, compassion, and courage.
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